More than a year after she gave birth to a baby boy, Rachelle Roussey, 39, is still struggling with the issues of her sexual identity.
“It’s hard to describe the feelings that come with having sex and being in a relationship,” Ms Rousse said.
“I feel a little bit like a little girl.”
A lot of the time I have to keep it in perspective.
It’s hard for me to accept that it’s OK to have an abortion because it’s not right for me.
“I feel so guilty because I don’t want to be that person, or I don ‘t want to live like that,” she said.
In March, Ms Roulsey gave birth at her mother’s home in rural New South Wales.
“The first day was definitely a little scary because the baby was still in my belly,” she told ABC Radio Sydney.
“There was a lot of crying and some of the nurses would be looking at me, asking me questions.
I thought to myself, ‘I’m not sure what is wrong with me, but I’m not happy with myself.'””
I thought it was a really traumatic experience.
I just wanted to have some time to myself.”‘
You just don’t know’The first time Rachelle was given the news that she had a baby, she was overcome by emotions.
“It was a moment that I was really trying not to think about, it was just so confusing,” she recalled.
Rachelle said she was not sure whether the decision to have a baby was right or not.””
As soon as I thought about it, it all clicked.”
Rachelle said she was not sure whether the decision to have a baby was right or not.
“At first I was pretty scared about the baby, but then I was just like, ‘OK, I’m going to give it a go’,” she said, explaining that the first time she had sex was with a man.
“When I was about five months pregnant, I did the baby shower.
That’s when I really got to know my body.”
All the girls I knew in high school, all of them were having sex with guys, so it just made sense that I would have sex with a guy,” Rachelle explained.
The decision to abort her pregnancy was not the only reason for her difficulties with sexual identity in the years since she gave her baby.
Ms Roussay said she had struggled with her own sexuality and felt guilty about it.”
We all make mistakes,” she explained.”
Sometimes, I’ll get depressed and then I’ll think, ‘Oh, I’ve done something wrong, I should have known better’.
“Rachelle said while she did not identify as a lesbian, she had been in a committed relationship.”
The one thing I have learnt is to not feel sorry for myself,” she revealed.”
If I feel sorry about my sexuality, I think it’s because I haven’t been good enough or I’ve been treated too poorly.
She’s an incredibly strong person, and when she came to me with her decision it was the hardest thing she had to do.””
When I heard that it was her decision, I was very emotional,” Ms Lechenard said.
“She’s an incredibly strong person, and when she came to me with her decision it was the hardest thing she had to do.”
This is a tough time for her, she’s in a really difficult place.
She’s dealing with depression and anxiety.
I’m really glad she’s made the decision.
“The ABC contacted the Victorian Government and the New South Welsh Government for comment, but has not received a response.